March 2026

My three-year-old is a naturally affectionate kid.  She loves hugs, snuggles, and curling up on my lap to read books.  She has lots of what I call “rituals of connection.”  When I leave for work in the morning we always hug and blow kisses.   At bedtime she says “night-night” to each family member in the house.  Whenever she falls down or gets a boo-boo, she needs a kiss to make it better.  Perhaps my favorite is her habit of calling out to me in the middle of whatever she’s doing.  She’ll be mid-bite at breakfast, or deep in imaginary games with her brother and suddenly stop to yell for me. 

“Mommy!” 

“What is it, honey?” 

“I love you!”

“I love you too!”

Then off she goes back to the food or the game, satisfied that all is well.

From a developmental perspective, I know all these rituals are signs of healthy attachment.  She’s increasingly independent but still needs these moments to touch base and feel secure.  And of course they warm my heart as well.  I need the reassurance that even as she grows more confident, she always knows I’m here for her.

We all need attachment.  We may not all crave hugs and cuddles, but we are relational creatures.  It’s hard-wired into our nervous systems.  Our mirror neurons shape early development by imitating our caregivers.  Our vagus nerve gauges safety from the behavior of others around us.  We have a profound physical, emotional, and spiritual need to know we are not alone.  Particularly in times of stress, we need community.  Just like my daughter, we sometimes need reassurance that our friends and family still have our backs. 

With all the terror and uncertainty in our world right now, rituals of connection seem especially important.  Checking in and reminding each other, “I love you,” can help us feel grounded and secure in the face of all this fear.  Our greatest assets in the fight against tyranny are the local communities looking out for one another and the small circles of influence where change takes root.  I encourage you to develop an intentional practice of connection this week.  Do one thing each day to touch base with someone.  Text a friend and ask how they’re doing.  Chat with a neighbor.  Call a family member just to say you love them.  Let these rituals anchor you in the love and support of your community.